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Fork In The Road: Hipster Glasses

Comments Off on Fork In The Road: Hipster Glasses 17 July 2009

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Hipster Glasses: Faux or Downright Pas?

I was once asked if my glasses were fake. This made me upset. I have been wearing glasses since the seventh grade and I’m nearing the double digits in how many pairs I have made my way through. Many people wonder why I don’t wear contacts. I am not trying to make a fashion statement nor do I like hiding behind two pieces of plastic. Contacts are disgusting and touching your eye is even worse. That is why I wear glasses. Yes, they are larger than normal, however this is simply because I enjoy having peripheral vision. Nothing more. I also wear plastic frames because I don’t like how metal frames push down on my sinuses. (This is where I take my index finger and push up on the bridge of my glasses and snort.)

I’m not writing this to discuss the decline of my vision over the past decade or so, I am writing this to discuss the recent trend of what has been dubbed “Hipster Glasses.” Briefly they are glasses that do not serve any purpose. No magnification, many don’t even contain lenses (if you look closely above, the girl is in fact, wearing glasses of this caliber). For all of my glasses-wearing brothers and sisters out there: this is an outrage. The common hipster is taking something of value to us and treating as fashion. At least we’re being honest.

I don’t know which one is worse: the fact that people are wearing fake glasses or the fact that so many people are, that I am being lumped into their category. I feel the need to conduct an experiment.

During my time at Pitchfork I am going to keep a glasses tally. I will do my best to ask people if their glasses provide any assistance to their vision and keep a running percentage as well. I will do my best to follow the scientific method while conducting said experiment, but for now I am leaving it as, “Are your glasses real?” then record their response in an appropriate arrangement in columns.

I feel someone needs to speak up about this. I wouldn’t call it a phenomenon nor would I call it a fad, but I would call it a ‘phad.’ If I don’t stand up against this then I feel no one will. I have two days at a music festival in Chicago to make a difference. Here I go.

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